contentment.

Paul knew how to manage in every state—he learned to be
content whatever his circumstances. If he was in prosperity
—he knew how to be thankful. If he was in adversity—he
knew how to be patient. He was neither lifted up with
prosperity—nor cast down with adversity.

Many would be content with their affliction—if God would
allow them to pick and choose. They could better endure
sickness—than poverty; or bear loss of estate—than loss
of children. If they might have a cross of their own
choosing—they would be content.

But a contented Christian does not desire to choose his
cross—but leaves God to choose for him. He is content
both for the kind of the afflictions, and the duration of
the afflictions, which God gives him. A contented man
says, “Let God apply whatever medicine He pleases—
and let it lie on as long as He desires. I know when it
has done its cure, and eaten the venom of sin out of
my heart—that God will take it away.”

A contented Christian, being sweetly captivated under
the authority of the Word, desires to be wholly at God’s
disposal, and cheerfully lives in whatever circumstances
that God has placed him in. “I delight in weaknesses, in
insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.”
(2 Corinthians 12:10) He does not only submit to God’s
dealings—but rejoices in them!

-Thomas Watson

I always thought myself a rather contented Christian. Sure I had moments when I wished I were in that stage of life rather than this one, or wish I looked like that, or acted like her, or had parents like this, etc., but even through trials He kept me joyful and content in Him, enjoying Him, loving Him, giving thanks to Him…

Until He brought me into this trial.

I endured an uncertain future; I rejoiced that He was my Father even if my parents were yet like children, and the home I knew was blasted apart; I  gave thanks to Him for trials, knowing that trials produce endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope.
Then He plucked me out of San Diego, away from personal liberties, freedom from meddling parents, friends who supported me and knew me almost as well as I knew myself (sometimes better), and most costly… my church family: my dear brothers and sisters, spiritual mothers and fathers, away from that place where my mind was at rest, submitting to wise and seasoned leaders who shaped and molded me according to the word of God.

My countenance lost its brightness, my spirit the persevering joy. I grew sullen, and moody, complaining and melancholy, wanting with all my heart, all the aches in it that it would be in God’s will that He take me back.
“Lord, I can’t be joyful unless I’m there!”
I thought you said He was enough.
“But they’re my family!”
I thought you said He was enough.
“He is! but…”
You said He was enough.

Ah, Lord.

He is at work in me to will and to work for His good pleasure. I may not be sent back to Lighthouse (be still! and know that He is God!), but my hope does not lie in Lighthouse, it lies nowhere on this earth. My hope is to be fixed completely on the grace to be brought to me at the revelation of Jesus Christ. His kingdom will come, and my resting place will be there. in Him.

Joy is to be had in Him!

Thankful for:
this trial. for it purges from my heart my willfulness. it quiets me to mold me into a submissive, gentle slave of Jesus, an obedient child.