20 something

I will be turning 24 years old in a month. Age was never really a big issue for me… I mean I was a teenager; 20 something was a long way away. I know I’m still really young, but whenever someone asks me my age I say “22. no, 23″ take a step back frown a bit, sigh a bit, and mutter “omigosh I’m getting old.”

Time is zipping by like it never has before, and I seem to be standing here just blinking. Other people my age seem to be moving: starting to date, getting engaged, getting married, finding a job, (not having children quite yet). Sometimes I feel like I’m getting left behind.

Pastor Gary said something last week that got me suspecting that he’s been reading my journal. He told us that there is no set timeline, that God’s will for people is individual, that where He has us is deliberate in His perfect sovereignty, and he said “stop comparing your timeline to someone else’s!”

It easy to ride the whirlpools of self-pity. It feels nice. Nobody else seems to feel sorry for me, so might as well take it upon myself.
Compare my timeline with “hers.”
Getting jealous and sad that she seems to really
know more people than I do. Panicking at how old I am getting.
Weighing the money I will be able to save
IF I get a job.
Wishing I had a job already “if only I
were working.” “if only I were married.”
“maybe I’ll be able to
catch up
with her.” “when am I EVER going to
move back to Lighthouse?”
round and round and round. It’s easier than being busy doing something with my time.

It isn’t about “when will my time come?” It’s what am I doing with the time I have? Faithfulness. Abiding in Jesus. Loving God with all my heart with all my soul with all mind with all my strength: “emotions, will, and thought… my life as a whole… all my resources – talents, abilities, opportunities, possessions, relationships” – Andy Snider

Whatever circumstances His hands usher me, what He cares about is my heart.
Patrick spoke on 1st Corinthians last(?) year. Paul was using the Israelites as an example to the Corinthians to teach them something. Patrick said something like “wouldn’t it be cool just to know where God wants you to be? like… ‘what job should I do?’ CLOUD. ‘who should I marry?’ CLOUD.” (hahaha) when it struck me… the Israelites knew exactly where God wanted them to be, but still they were disobedient. THAT was THE issue. Their HEART. Their OBEDIENCE. and that is MY issue too.

I know where God wants me to be. Here. because that’s where I am.
Single. In LA. Away from SD. living with my mother who has been the single greatest source of sanctification.
And I know how He wants me to live. The Bible tells me so.