“The glory is ‘the glory of the Lord’, and we behold it ‘as in a mirror’. to gaze by faith into the gospel is to behold Christ, who in this same passage is described as ‘the image of God’ (4:4) and elsewhere as ‘the image of the invisible God’ (Col. 1:15) and ‘the effulgence of the Father’s glory and the impress of His substance’ Heb. 1:3) To see Him is to see the Father, and to behold His glory is to behold the glory as of the only begotten from the Father (Jn. 14:9; 1:14). And to contemplate Him who is the Father’s image is progressively to be transformed into that image. The effect of continuous beholding is that we are continuously being transformed ‘into the same image’, that is, into the likeness of Christ–and increasingly so: ‘from glory to glory’.” (pp. 117-118)

To set anything else as a goal is settling for something infinitely less. But this is not a goal we reach by our own strength but by the work of the Spirit who works this transformation in us. So we are not less hopeless and defeated but victorious and exceedingly hopeful.

While his friends were busy chasing girls, scrambling to finish their blank homework pages, and anxiously wondering about their future, he was comforting his mother and caring for his brother as the image of his father took up the place of the long discarded credit card. Behind it, he scribbled down the words, “For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain…,” wondering at the mystery that his father would consider death a gain.

Walking now with purpose and new direction, he filled his pocket with index cards and the conviction that the words he copied down were the words of life.
Pulling out a humble ring accompanied by a nervous flutter, he bent down on one knee, preparing himself to serve, love, and lead.
He made sure to prepare his pocket with a handkerchief, to show her chivalry of course, but when the moment came, she pulled it out of his hand and wiped his tears.
Too busy to even sit down, his pockets again filled with string, gum wrapper, toy cars. He had to keep his index cards in his shirt pocket, and a yellowed, tattered Book on his desk.
The Book kept him through times of weakness, times of sin; it was his companion when he bowed his head in praise and in repentance; seasons of rejoicing, seasons of mourning, when his heart ached to see his children rebel, when his eyes closed with weariness from living in a sin-filled world, a sin-filled heart. It was his constant, his current, his guide to the Guide,

Old and feeling useless, he filled his mind with a longing for Home. But his Master is wise, and left him here in His mysterious way. He filled his pocket with unfamiliar faces and unfamiliar names, and an indication that this was his daughter, this one his son, this one his nephew, this favored, dear one his wife. Though his mind betrayed him and his body shut down, his soul, through years of practice, reached heavenward in faithful words of prayer, until his eyes closed to this world and opened in the new.

This morning, I woke up early and plucked my phone from its charger. There it was. Amidst the ap update icon and the “you’ve got mail” icon sat an antiquated recording tape that signalled doom to me. I put it off. Played with Atticus a bit and gathered some books that I need to read. “I’ll listen to it later” flashed across my mind, but hidden in the folds of fear a sensible voice, “Just listen to it, stupid. It might be important.”

Like ripping off a bandaid, I punched in all the buttons as fast as I could. The recording has started, and my heart races faster. I hear an unfamiliar masculine voice, but can’t make out the words. Confusion. Then I hear a voice that is very familiar. It is a voice that reminds me of care, love, friendship, a life lived for Christ. And I know what the call is about. “Hi Jenn! It’s Tia and John E.” Pause. John E., “We’re engaged!”

My friend is engaged. Memories of her pains and sorrows make this gift of God so much sweeter. God is so good; He is so gracious. With only my cat to witness the strange face I make and the water dripping from my eyes, I rejoice with my friend.

I love you, Tia~

Monday, Mar 30 -
Curses the fig tree
2nd cleansing of the Temple
Return to Bethany
Mt 21:12-22; Mk 11:12-19; Lk 19:45,46

Tuesday, Mar 31 -
Finds withered fig tree
Commands the Temple, confounding and opposing His enemies
Olivet Discourse
Judas bargains with Sanhedrin to betray Jesus
Return to Bethany
Mt 21:20-25:46; Mk 11:20-13:37; Lk 20:1-21:36; Jn 12:20-38

Wednesday, Apr 1-
Silent Day, probably remained in Bethany
Probable preparation for Last Supper
Probably preparation for Judas’ betrayal

Thursday, Apr 2 -
Peter & John sent to make preparation for Passover
After Sunset, eats Passover meal with 12, washes feet, Judas departs
Lord’s Supper instituted
Agonizing prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane
Betray by Judas, arrest by Sanhedrin
To the house of the High Priest as Sanhedrin is convened
Peter denies Jesus
Mt 26:1-75; Mk 14:1-72; Lk 22:1-62

Friday, Apr 3 -
1st Trial: Nighttime before Annas, biding time for Sanhedrin to assemble
2nd Trial: Before Sanhedrin, Jesus is condemned
3rd Trial: At dawn (Peter denies Jesus for third time, Jesus looks at him), sent to Romans
4th Trial: Pilate
5th Trial: Herod
6th Trial: Pilate
Jesus is scourged
People cry, “Crucify Him!”
Jesus to be crucified
Jesus mocked by Roman soldiers with a crown of thorns
Judas hangs himself
Jesus carries His cross
Jesus crucified at 9am

Seven sayings on the cross:
“Father forgive them…”
“Today…with Me in paradise”
“Woman, behold thy son”
(Darkness from 12pm – 3pm)
“My God, My God…”
“I thirst”
“It is finished”
“Into Thy hands…”

Death of God-Man
About 3pm – veil of the Temple torn, rocks rent, graves opened and people rise

Jesus’ side pierced
Passover lambs slain in the temple
Jesus buried by sundown
Mt 26, 27; Mk 14:53-15:47; Lk 22:54-23:56; Jn 18:13

Saturday, Apr 4 -
Passover Sabbath (from sundown on Fri to sundown on Sat)
Jewish leaders request Pilate to post guards at the tomb
Mt 27:66

Sunday, Apr 5 -
Jesus rises from the dead at dawn
1st Appearance: to Mary Magdalene (given a message for disciples)
2nd Appearance: to other women who come to the tomb (for burial anointing)
3rd Appearance: to two disciples on Road to Emmaus
4th Appearance: to Simon Peter (alluded to in Lk 24:33-35 & 1 Cor 15:5)
5th Appearance: to the astonished disciples (Thomas absent)
Mt 28; Mk 16; Lk 24; Jn 20

“If you abide in Me and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you”

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has caused us to be born again to a living hope…”

The very fact that I have wonderful friends is by God’s grace (you might want to read the previous entry if you want to know what I mean… it has been a very long time since that post… better late than…?), but there are a handful of friendships in which I see His grace all the more distinctly.  Some of my dearest sisters and I started out very rocky. We really didn’t like each other.

This story tops them all.

I was done with that private Catholic school. I hated the school, I hated the kids, I hated the green jumpers, I hated going to mass, I hated the statue of Mary sitting in the back of every classroom, I hated all of it.  I was accepted into the Magnet School Program, and I was free from that green and flesh colored building.

I was going to start middle school at a brand new school. I was going to make friends with the Asian girls. I was going to be cool. I was going to “have a life.”

Things did not start very ideally.  We read  the school dress code and it had said something like no “tight fitting clothing” so mom and I went out and bought those huge T-shirts that just hung from the shoulders and some pairs of jeans.  I figured out right away, that the school dress code didn’t mean for you to wear things that fit like potato sacks.

I really don’t remember how I survived.  ”Barely scraped by” seems to be a good description.  There was no way I was going to make friends with the Asian girls.  They looked like they had already figured out how to handle themselves socially, and I did not fit in.

Intimidated and despairing that all my ideal hopes of making friends were dashed, I started clinging to girls who would take me.  It didn’t matter whether I liked them or not, just as long as I didn’t have to wander around at lunch by myself.  My heart still ached and dreamed and hoped to be an Asian girl (haha that sounds funny).  I wanted to be cool and collected.  I wanted to learn how to dress, how to pluck my eyebrows so thin that they looked like pencil drawings, and how to color my lips with brown lip liner only (no color in the middle). I wanted to know what they do after school and in the weekends. I wanted to hang out at the mall.  I settled for the skater girl and the goth.

Then I saw Jessica.

She didn’t fit the typical Asian girl image.  She wore a simple T-shirt and jeans (not the potato sack kind), and I couldn’t imagine her walking around a mall with a bunch of girls.  I couldn’t imagine her swooning over belonging to a group; she just didn’t seem to care what other people thought of her. Yet she was friends with the Asian girls (even the older ones!).

She ignored me completely.  I don’t think she even knew my name.  I don’t even remember exactly when or how I met her, we didn’t have any classes together.  All I knew about her was that she had what I wanted and didn’t even care, and she was aloof, intimidating, and made me feel small.

I confided with a classmate (probably voicing my tangled up thoughts, while trying to wrangle up an ally) that,

“I think Jessica is a @#%*@. Don’t you think so?”

Little did I know that this classmate was good friends with Jessica.

The next day, after lunch, I was waiting outside the classroom waiting for the second bell to ring for class.  In the corner of my eye, I see Jessica and I cringe remembering what I said about her and feeling frightened that she might have heard.  She seems to be walking in my direction and I try to ignore it, but gradually the dread grows inside my stomach until it turned me cold all up and down as she stops right in front of me,

“I heard what you said about me.  Why don’t you say that to my FACE??”

yikes. She made me feel like a coward to have talked about her behind her back, but I mustered up all the pride and self-righteousness I had inside of me to conquer the paralyzing fear and muttered out,

“I called you a *@#&^”

“What did you say? I didn’t hear you.”

“y…you’re a *@#&^”

We stood there.  I mean what was supposed to happen next?

Then the bell rang and I scurried off to class, ignoring my curious looking classmates.

to be continued…

Before you start feeling sorry for me, I was not a friendly kid; I was an angry, belligerent, demanding child.  You would not have wanted to be my friend. I drove what friends I had away. I don’t remember exactly how, but I know it was my fault. I’m still dealing with some of the tendencies I had from back then, like feeling sorry for myself, being self-centered in my friendships, and hitting (-.-).  I hope I haven’t driven away the friends I’ve made. =D

I’ll be writing a new “series” (after the three-entry series of Japan vignettes).  This time it will be on the friends God gave me.  When I think about the Christian friendships I now have, I am amazed at the grace that God bestows to loners friendless, socially awkward people. Oh, and I’m lazy and give up easily so please keep me accountable.  I’m planning about twelve entries… So if I don’t have that many out you can push me to finish.

Sigh… It’s really amazing that I still have friends.

I still have friends, right?

May the Mind of Christ My Savior

May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
Live in me from day to day,
By His love and power controlling
All I do and say

May the Word of God dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph
Only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
Rule my life in everything
That I may be calm to comfort
Sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing
This is victory

May I run the race before me
Strong and brave to face the foe
Looking only unto Jesus
As I onward go

May His beauty rest upon me
As I seek the lost to win
And may they forget the channel
Seeing only Him

It’s short enough that it isn’t intimidating next to my desk, it makes the books a little more accessible, and I can put cute stuff that I didn’t have a spot for, on top.  It’s already overflowing. I’m thinking of drilling a few holes and buying another shelf from IKEA to give me more space.

I love new books and the crack of the pages when you open it.  I love old books that have pages that smell like chocolate. I like paperbacks with beautiful covers.  I like hardbacks because they just look so elegant. I like to buy used books from alibris, half.com, amazon, abebooks, etc. and look at the cover page to see who might have read it before. Worn out books look like they were well loved, but I try to keep my books as crisp as when I first bought them.

I love opening to the middle of a new novel after reading the first chapter and seeing the unfamiliar names.  I’m only in the beginning of the story, but the people in these middle pages are already well into the unknown development. Sometimes I can’t stand the suspense and I steal a guilty look at the last page.  Sometimes the story is plodding along too slowly so I read the last pages to see if it is worth finishing (I always finish… even though I’m hating it, and I hate it when I finish, and regret the time I wasted on another stupid story).

Some recent books I have read/am reading:
City Boy – Herman Wouk
Hoot – Carl Hiaasen
The Neverending Story – Michael Ende (I can’t help smiling at the last name)
Conrad’s Fate – Dianna Wynne Jones
Pinhoe Egg – Dianna Wynne Jones
House of Many Ways – Dianna Wynne Jones
Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins
Ender’s Game (second time) – Orson Scott Card
The Associate – John Grisham
The Pursuit of Holiness (3rd time) – Jerry Bridges
How Can I Change (halfway done) – C.J. Mahaney & Robin Boisvert
Addictions a Banquet in the Grave (for flocks, still have a few chapters left)- Paul Tripp
Stepping Heavenward (second time) – Elizabeth Prentiss
Jonathan Edwards, A Life (this one is taking forever! I’m about halfway through woohoo!) – George M. Marsden
A Call to Spiritual Reformation (won at the 2nd service giveaway, currently on the first chapter) – D.A. Carson
Alone With God (still reading) – John MacArthur

Some of them were good, a few of them were a waste of time. All the Diana Wynne Jones books had a under current that was just too liberal for me… especially Pinhoe Egg. blech.  I’ve never watched Hoot the movie or The Neverending Story the movie.  Glad I didn’t because they might have ruined the books.  My impression of Hoot: movie-worthy, must watch the film.  The Neverending Story: very slow, too many gimmicks, “meh” kind of ending; the beginning was charming, though.  How did they ever make a movie out of this?, must watch the film.

Stepping Heavenward was lovely.  The first time I read it was Sophomore year. This time it was a totally different experience for me.  I’ll write more about this one when I get it back (I lent it to Steph To right after I finished).  There’s a theme of prayer that is developing with this one, Spiritual Reformation, and Alone with God.  So I’ll just do a prayer entry using these books when I’m done.

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
calling for you and for me;
isn’t it amazing? isn’t it so kind? that Jesus has call this sinner…
see, on the portals he’s waiting and watching,
watching for you and for me.
Luke 15:20b …but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.
He lacks nothing. He gains nothing but a wretched sinner by waiting for me to repent, but because He loves me I can confidently approach Him in His love

Refrain:

Come home, come home;
ye who are weary come home;
Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me all who are weary, and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest”
I can find rest in Him (why do I hesitate to come to Him?), only in Him (why do I try to find rest in things that will never give me rest?).
My home is Him.
earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
calling, O sinner, come home!

Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading,
pleading for you and for me?
Hebrews 7:25 Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.
I take a long time to come to God in repentance of my sins because I am ashamed, but Jesus prays for me. He intercedes on my behalf. I can come because of His love toward me.
Why should we linger and heed not his mercies,
mercies for you and for me?
Lamentations 3:22-23 The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
new lovingkindesses every morning… to be remembered every morning.

Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,
passing from you and from me;
shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,
coming for you and for me.
James 4:14 Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
The time I have to live this life for His glory is short. I must not waste it sinking in the despairs of my sin, watching TV, pleasing others, sinning…

O for the wonderful love he has promised,
promised for you and for me!
Though we have sinned, he has mercy and pardon,
pardon for you and for me.
John 15:4 “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Ephesians 2:4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us…
Ephesians 3:19 …and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
Titus 3:4 But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared,
1 John 3:1a See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God
1 John 4:16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
1 John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us.
God loves me! What amazing, what comforting, what blessed thought!