sharing is caring

We sang this hymn last Sunday, and I thought I might share it with you. Praise songs and hymns have been ministering to my confused heart like the never have before… praying this hymn might minister to you as well.

May the Mind of Christ My Savior

May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
Live in me from day to day,
By His love and power controlling
All I do and say

May the Word of God dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph
Only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
Rule my life in everything
That I may be calm to comfort
Sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing
This is victory

May I run the race before me
Strong and brave to face the foe
Looking only unto Jesus
As I onward go

May His beauty rest upon me
As I seek the lost to win
And may they forget the channel
Seeing only Him

the way i read

I love books.  I bought a new bookshelf when I painted my room, and it’s lovely.

It’s short enough that it isn’t intimidating next to my desk, it makes the books a little more accessible, and I can put cute stuff that I didn’t have a spot for, on top.  It’s already overflowing. I’m thinking of drilling a few holes and buying another shelf from IKEA to give me more space.

I love new books and the crack of the pages when you open it.  I love old books that have pages that smell like chocolate. I like paperbacks with beautiful covers.  I like hardbacks because they just look so elegant. I like to buy used books from alibris, half.com, amazon, abebooks, etc. and look at the cover page to see who might have read it before. Worn out books look like they were well loved, but I try to keep my books as crisp as when I first bought them.

I love opening to the middle of a new novel after reading the first chapter and seeing the unfamiliar names.  I’m only in the beginning of the story, but the people in these middle pages are already well into the unknown development. Sometimes I can’t stand the suspense and I steal a guilty look at the last page.  Sometimes the story is plodding along too slowly so I read the last pages to see if it is worth finishing (I always finish… even though I’m hating it, and I hate it when I finish, and regret the time I wasted on another stupid story).

Some recent books I have read/am reading:
City Boy – Herman Wouk
Hoot – Carl Hiaasen
The Neverending Story – Michael Ende (I can’t help smiling at the last name)
Conrad’s Fate – Dianna Wynne Jones
Pinhoe Egg – Dianna Wynne Jones
House of Many Ways – Dianna Wynne Jones
Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins
Ender’s Game (second time) – Orson Scott Card
The Associate – John Grisham
The Pursuit of Holiness (3rd time) – Jerry Bridges
How Can I Change (halfway done) – C.J. Mahaney & Robin Boisvert
Addictions a Banquet in the Grave (for flocks, still have a few chapters left)- Paul Tripp
Stepping Heavenward (second time) – Elizabeth Prentiss
Jonathan Edwards, A Life (this one is taking forever! I’m about halfway through woohoo!) – George M. Marsden
A Call to Spiritual Reformation (won at the 2nd service giveaway, currently on the first chapter) – D.A. Carson
Alone With God (still reading) – John MacArthur

Some of them were good, a few of them were a waste of time. All the Diana Wynne Jones books had a under current that was just too liberal for me… especially Pinhoe Egg. blech.  I’ve never watched Hoot the movie or The Neverending Story the movie.  Glad I didn’t because they might have ruined the books.  My impression of Hoot: movie-worthy, must watch the film.  The Neverending Story: very slow, too many gimmicks, “meh” kind of ending; the beginning was charming, though.  How did they ever make a movie out of this?, must watch the film.

Stepping Heavenward was lovely.  The first time I read it was Sophomore year. This time it was a totally different experience for me.  I’ll write more about this one when I get it back (I lent it to Steph To right after I finished).  There’s a theme of prayer that is developing with this one, Spiritual Reformation, and Alone with God.  So I’ll just do a prayer entry using these books when I’m done.

softly and tenderly

My new favorite hymn:
The lyrics in black
Scripture in green
My meditations in pink

Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling,
calling for you and for me;
isn’t it amazing? isn’t it so kind? that Jesus has call this sinner…
see, on the portals he’s waiting and watching,
watching for you and for me.
Luke 15:20b …but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.
He lacks nothing. He gains nothing but a wretched sinner by waiting for me to repent, but because He loves me I can confidently approach Him in His love

Refrain:

Come home, come home;
ye who are weary come home;
Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me all who are weary, and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest”
I can find rest in Him (why do I hesitate to come to Him?), only in Him (why do I try to find rest in things that will never give me rest?).
My home is Him.
earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
calling, O sinner, come home!

Why should we tarry when Jesus is pleading,
pleading for you and for me?
Hebrews 7:25 Therefore He is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.
I take a long time to come to God in repentance of my sins because I am ashamed, but Jesus prays for me. He intercedes on my behalf. I can come because of His love toward me.
Why should we linger and heed not his mercies,
mercies for you and for me?
Lamentations 3:22-23 The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
new lovingkindesses every morning… to be remembered every morning.

Time is now fleeting, the moments are passing,
passing from you and from me;
shadows are gathering, deathbeds are coming,
coming for you and for me.
James 4:14 Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
The time I have to live this life for His glory is short. I must not waste it sinking in the despairs of my sin, watching TV, pleasing others, sinning…

O for the wonderful love he has promised,
promised for you and for me!
Though we have sinned, he has mercy and pardon,
pardon for you and for me.
John 15:4 “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Ephesians 2:4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us…
Ephesians 3:19 …and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
Titus 3:4 But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared,
1 John 3:1a See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God
1 John 4:16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
1 John 4:19 We love, because He first loved us.
God loves me! What amazing, what comforting, what blessed thought!

i’m not that girl…

Dear ladies
The title of this post was inspired by a song from the musical Wicked:

it remains true that He has risen

Honjyo-san scared me when I first saw him.  He’s really tall and quiet, and he has an unsmiling face.  Like this:

Don't you love the family portrait action? He's the second gentleman from the right.

He looked like a strict Japanese man who crossed all his ‘t’s and never walked out of the house bare footed (big deal in Japan). Doi-Sensei told us that we were having dinner at the Honjyo’s house, and I was a bit nervous.  I thought I would have to really watch my behavior and my words around him.

During dinner time Sarah, Doi-Sensei, and I were sitting near Honjyo-san.  I asked him how he met his wife and he shared the sweetest story about how the attraction wasn’t there initially, but how the Lord brought them together and made them one.  Maybe the contents were not all that spectacular, but his voice was the gentlest I had ever heard, and everything he said just sounded that much more gracious and kind.

He shared his testimony, and I was surprised to find that I could understand most of what he was sharing.  I was interpreting a bit for Sarah, but there was one part where I had to pause and swallow my tears before telling Sarah what he had said.
At the conclusion of how the Lord saved him, Honjyo-san spoke of the amazing truth of the gospel.
“I am still so weak and continue to sin, but it remains true that He has risen from the grave.  He has saved me from my sin, and I keep on remembering it.”

かしまさん – kashima san

Kashima san was my homestay for the first two weeks of the trip, while I was at Inochi no Izumi Christ Church.

Kashima-san <3!

She lives alone and doesn’t speak English very much, and I was SCARED.  ”Omigosh.  This is going to be awkward.  It’s going to be just me and her.  I won’t have anyone to hide behind. EEK.”

The first day is kind of a blur.  I don’t remember exactly how I started to feel comfortable around her, but we hit it off~ =D  Before I met her, I had heard that she sleeps in.  Shelley told me that she woke up at 12:00. Everyday. O.O
But she got up at 9:00 every morning to make me breakfast.
Kashima-san has two sons, both live out of the house.  Her younger brother lived down stairs, but  I never saw him.   When I was helping her with the dishes one morning, she was really happy and said that it was like having a daughter. <3

my room at Kashima-san's. my clothes still smelled like it for a while ^.^

I thought she would be lonely, and in someways I’m sure she is, but the lady keeps herself busy.  She doesn’t have to work, but she does pottery, used to do stained glass windows (beautiful), takes English classes, and goes to Bible study at Hamadera Bible Church.  She hangs out with church people on a regular basis, and is always there for people who need ministering.

She is a great hostess:

dinner at Kashima-sans house with the team and Inochi people

ladies in the kitchen, kashima-san on the far right

corner where the ladies were talking, this is where kashima-san and I ate breakfast <3

takoyaki at Kashima-san's house, two-days after the dinner

Kashima-san was worried about the "genki" or energetic kids. these are only a few of them. they were definitely "genki" phew.

She also lugged her pottery materials to church and hosted a pottery making time for church people.  Sorry, no pictures. I was fixated on my cup (I think it was a cup).

She’s dealt with trial after trial with her family.  Her two sons who live away from her have little contact, and her mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s disease.  She used to take care of her mother in the beginning stages of the illness, but it became too much for her to handle alone.  When her mother was diagnosed with the condition, she prayed for her salvation and faithfully shared the gospel with her.  Even with the dementia of her mind, Kashima-san’s mother was saved.  Kashima-san shared this and expressed her amazement at the God who saves even those with impaired minds.

She gave me an honest assessment of herself while God was taking her through these trials.  She said that she often questioned God asking, “Why? Why my mother? Why my son? Why is this happening?” but she continued to place her faith in God, and gathered strength from His grace.  She continues to love her sons with tenderness and grace, though she must also have wept for them.  She remains cheerful and works joyfully for God’s kingdom.

Kashima-san doesn’t do things in a loud way.  She just does it. (Not that she’s a quiet, demure Japanese woman either.  She’s quite spunky). Of all the unbelievers I met during the first two weeks, more than half of them came through Kashima-san.  She invited three of her friends from English class to B&E, and her closest childhood friend to the retreat.  She shared the gospel with them, and continues to maintain the friendships.
She told me that her best friend was coming to the retreat, and asked me to, “Please, talk to her about God.”  Her friend’s name is Senba-san.

Senba-san

At the retreat I got to ask Senba-san about her relationship with Kashima-san, and how she started attending Bible study with Kashima-san.  I couldn’t understand a lot of what she was saying but I got one part.  She said that she saw Kashima-san going through a lot of difficult things with her family, but still staying strong because of her faith.  She had grown up with Kashima-san, and saw how her faith had changed her. Senba-san wondered what kind of faith this was, and started to attend bible study with her.

I got to tell Kashima-san about my family, too. I told her about how lazy I am about helping my mom around the house, and she just said, quite frankly, “Yea, that’s bad.” I told her that my mom’s favorite color was turquoise, so she gave me a turquoise cup that she had made to give to my mom.  <3
I emailed her a few weeks ago, and she said, “お母さんの　てつだい　してね❤ (Help your mom, okay? <3)”

yes. i look like a giant next to her. that is the theme for most of my pictures in Japan. Oh yea, and that's my wallet she's holding. I left it sitting on a chair. -.-

I have the best people praying for me, and He’s been changing my heart.

i promise

My first impressions of Takenaka-san was an intimidating one.  We were warned not to step out of line with her.  She is a very wealthy, influential lady and she will be very straight forward with you if you did something you are not supposed to do.

I also heard impressive things about her.  Gabe said that everyday she did something that had to do with the gospel.  Everyday was spent doing kingdom work.  I wanted to get to know this lady.

When we got to Izumisano Bible Church for Joy Joy 5 days, Shelley had a bag full of gifts for Shelley, Sarah, and me and cards for the guys.  I got a small handmade bag with a package of Japanese crackers inside.  Shelley told me they were from Takenaka-san.  I only got a glimpse of her that day because she was busy talking to Gabe (from whose head she had knocked off a baseball cap saying “You do not wear hats in Japanese homes!” several years ago… scare…) then she disappeared into the kitchen.

The next time I saw her she watched me teaching kids English.  I’ll be honest… I tried extra hard to look good in front of her.  =D  I never got to really sit and talk to her that whole week.  She was always in the kitchen and I would be working with the kids, but everyday she would give a trinket to the girls and a card for the guys.

The last evening they threw a dinner for our team.  Everybody was assigned tables so that the team would all be separated.  Takenaka-san sat next to me!  I told her
“I heard a lot of things about you from Gabe.”

a look of apprehension, “What did he say?”
“I heard good things and funny things.”
she just smiled
“and a little bit scary things…”
looks at me reproachfully

a little later…

“Gabe told me…”
again look of apprehension and a bit of reproach
“that you spend every day with something that has to do with the gospel.”

“Yes.  Everyday you have to work for God’s kingdom.  If you don’t do His work, that’s when you feel down.  I lost my husband several years ago, and from that time I said that my life was going to be lived doing my Master’s work.  You have to speak the gospel,  to Christians, to non-Christians… I call my grandchildren ever week and tell them about the gospel.  One time my granddaughter called me and asked me, ‘おばあちゃんには何が一番だいせつ(Grandma, what’s the most important thing for you?’ and I said, ‘もちろん神様ですね. (God, of course)’ and she says,”やっぱりそうだっと思た (that’s what I thought you would say)’ if she knows what I’m going to say, she shouldn’t ask me!”
The Lord also gave me the privilege to be the chancellor of the English class at Hamadera Bible Church, and I get to share the gospel with the students there twice a week.  I help out at the neighborhood orphanage two days, and the nursing home two day.”

(don’t have too many pictures of her because she was always in the kitchen)

All this was said very matter-of-fact.  There was no boasting or laying out of her accolades, but simply explaining how she got in touch with unbelievers to share the gospel with.

Later I was telling her about how unfaithful I am,  how I get really excited about these projects and about coming to these mission trips, but walking faithfully before God everyday is something I lack.  She told me that the most important thing is meditating on God’s word everyday.  If we don’t meditate on God’s word, we won’t grow as Christians and we won’t walk faithfully.  Then she reached out her pinky finger to me and said, “やくそくして(promise). That you’ll read and meditate on the word everyday.” So I promised.

Times in the word before Japan and even after Japan has been paltry at best… I had been wrestling with, “why is fellowship with God so dry these days?” I realized it all traced back to a lack of meditation on the Word.  Having studied the word is not enough.  Studying a lot of it for a short period of time and leaving it alone for a while doesn’t cut it.  Everyday needs to be spent in meditation before the Lord.  Everyday, I need to renew my mind in it.

Walking faithfully and in service to God has been challenging since I got back.  I knew I would have to adjust to not having a schedule set for me, and I am still struggling with it… I have not kept the promise, but the Lord is gracious to turn my heart to Him.
Please pray for me, that I would be faithful in reading and meditating on the word, and that I would be mindful about how to make the gospel a part of every day.
Please pray for Takenaka-san, that her work for God’s kingdom would continue to bear much fruit.